I am going through old slides; tonight they are about Bry when he was 15 months. In his high chair he was beautiful---cheeks full of baby fat, big wondering eyes, alert, curious. Several took my breath away, I just had to show them to Yvette, but her room is quiet.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
Missing Gma
My therapist says, "You're fine."
My depression is better; my loneliness is unchanged. When Lucy is here, we talk and if not, at least I hear some one doing the dishes, running the sweeper, making my bed, making the noises of a housekeeper. When she is gone, my loneliness sets in; TV helps little, I tire of reading, I avoided snacking which only makes me more aware of my expanding middle. Nothing works.
Today's visit to Robert's party was a perfect example of what's going on. It was noisy as usual; when Gram was with me, she would stand next to me, chat with me, comment on the decor, the food, the attendees, so I didn't have to feel alone because I was unable to have a conversation with anyone else because of my hearing. Today, without her, the loneliness was double-bad.
I've started my campaign to make things better. I arranged for a bridge game every Thurs with Wilma. That with a game every Fri with Joan (Pleason) will help. And perhaps another weekly game will help. There is always the realization that I will always miss Gram no matter what, that I will always be lonely.
Stay tuned.
My depression is better; my loneliness is unchanged. When Lucy is here, we talk and if not, at least I hear some one doing the dishes, running the sweeper, making my bed, making the noises of a housekeeper. When she is gone, my loneliness sets in; TV helps little, I tire of reading, I avoided snacking which only makes me more aware of my expanding middle. Nothing works.
Today's visit to Robert's party was a perfect example of what's going on. It was noisy as usual; when Gram was with me, she would stand next to me, chat with me, comment on the decor, the food, the attendees, so I didn't have to feel alone because I was unable to have a conversation with anyone else because of my hearing. Today, without her, the loneliness was double-bad.
I've started my campaign to make things better. I arranged for a bridge game every Thurs with Wilma. That with a game every Fri with Joan (Pleason) will help. And perhaps another weekly game will help. There is always the realization that I will always miss Gram no matter what, that I will always be lonely.
Stay tuned.
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